Sunflowers

I didn't get to go anywhere for my artist's date so I took a quiet moment while the kids napped and sat on my back deck.

I am surrounded by beauty that most people take for granted. I am blessed to live out in the country where I feel I truly belong. I grew up a city girl but country life is the life for me. It's quiet for the most part. We do have the occasional tri-axle truck that rumbles by polluting the air with its thick black diesel exhaust but for the most part it's quiet, calm, and peaceful.

I do admire the way the Amish and Mennonite live, so simple and plain. They don't rely on technology as we do. I admit I have attempted to live as simply as I could but it didn't last very long. My soul is not plain and it never has been. I enjoy color, music, and technology. I play video games, I dance, and sing just because I want to. I play in the rain, jump in mud puddles with my kids, and yes, I have even showered in a huge down pour.

I am not plain by any means, I am colorful and full of zest for life. Just like the sunflowers I see right in front of me. Bright vibrant yellows, oranges, and even a hint of red. Blooms wide open like a smiling face, smiling like they secrets they don't want to tell.

Standing almost nine feet tall, I am in awe of their size. I planted them as tiny seeds from last years flowers. I've watched them grow. It's taken some time but the outcome gives me such joy every time I look out my kitchen windows. God's glory surrounds us, in the tiny hummingbirds that flit by my feeders, the couples of cardinals that sit in my apple trees, to the wild white and purple flowers that border our property. Even in watching my children catch lightning bugs before dark or seeing those bright smiling sunflowers in the morning.

I am surrounded by life, by peace, by beauty, and the knowledge that I am blessed to have this gift called my life.

The Green Frog

                                                                                     

                                                                The Green Frog

We love going to the park at the Woodcock Dam. Its right below a beautiful butterfly garden and few hiking trails. I chose to sit on the bench in the shade. A few kids were playing close by, their parents watching their every move. I let the kids loose to play. There were four different slides, monkey bars, a little bridge, and a pair of bouncy spring type animals to ride on.

Abby chose the yellow duck. It was the bigger of the two. I’m guessing she felt safer but she still rocked very daintily. Ronnie settled for the green frog, rocking back and forth on the giant spring beneath his feet. I watched as he stood up and stretched his arms out, eyes closed, with a huge grin on his slightly freckled face.

They interacted with the other children, but you could see the awkwardness in their body language. Still trying to figure out how to maneuver in social situations, especially with kids you didn’t know. But, they managed to start a game of tag, and then the boys started to toss a football around.

I watched the other parents, another mother in particular, who caught my eye. She seemed to emanate pure anxiety about her kids playing with other people’s children. I knew how she was feeling because I used to be like her. But, I’ve come to realize that you can’t be in control all of the time. You have to let kids be kids, because it’s all a learning experience for them.

Honestly, I was waiting for her to call her kids over and leave but after a few minutes went by and she realized that my children, let alone the other kids there, posed no threat to hers, she seemed to become a bit more relaxed…but not too much.

As I watched my kids play, I couldn’t help but think about when they were little babies, toddlers getting into everything. Now seeming so grown up, and doing so many things by themselves.

I wonder where the time goes. My precious babies aren’t babies anymore but there was something about that moment where Ronnie stood up on that green frog with such an innocent, care free spirit that put a smile on my face and in my heart.

I am a Writer!!

                                                 
What career should you actually have?

That was the name if the quiz I took online that my friend Kristine had shared in a post. Naturally, my curiosity got the best of me and I proceeded to answer the different questions that were listed. Whether something was fixed in the quiz or if it was totally random, I do know one thing...I was very happy with my results. It said that I was a writer, creative, a maker. Anyone who knows me would agree, especially the women in the writing group. They have seen me write, read my work, and told me I am a writer despite all my insecurities about my ability to be one.

In any case, I took it as a sign that I should write. I already had my laptop out. I was feeling motivated to write something, I just didn't know what. But, now I'm certain....I am a writer. I need to embrace that, whether it be in my journal, my blog, or a letter to a friend. To have so much confidence after taking a quiz online....my friend Kristine couldn't have said it better, "It's in a quiz, on the internet, so it must be true."

So, I'll say it one more time, loud and proud, "I AM A WRITER!!"

Cherished Family Time

 

Family time is very important to me. My husband works second shift and as long as there is no overtime we are lucky to get him on the weekends. I'm with the kids all week, running from wrestling practice to Girl Scouts, play dates, keeping up with the housework, laundry, and the dishes. I sometimes feel that I can't breathe.

But, then I take a look at this picture and I glance at my family in the flesh and realize that all that running around and other stuff is just stuff. It's sacrifice, it's what you do when you have a family. You are going to be stressed out and feel overwhelmed but what would life be without those things. The ones you share your home with are what make it all worthwhile.   

The look in your children's eyes when they see your face after being at school all day, running towards you, arms outstretched and a big hug to follow, " I missed you, Mom!" Or when you've made a favorite meal and they show you their gratitude with a kiss on the cheek, and maybe a little bit of food on your shoulder because they didn't wipe their mouth and hands well enough. Or even a simple game of Monopoly on Tuesday night. You're sure you're going to win because you're the adult, and you get schooled in math by your eight year old son while your six year old daughter laughs because she won the jackpot by landing on Free Parking.

These are just a few of the little things that make all the stress and sacrifice worth while. That's why my husband and I cherish the time we do get with our kids, just the four of us. Whether its just a lazy day at home or bowling on a Saturday night, as long as we are together, that's all that matters. We are truly blessed in our lives and I am so thankful....God is good. 

iWag Wednesdays

Wednesday. One of my favorite days of the week. I meet with four of the most wonderful women. We pick a writing prompt and then share out loud with one another. We are still working on the critiquing aspect but the support for one another is there.

I came into the group with a lot of doubt, not about the group but about myself. I'm the newbie in the group, as far as my writing skills are concerned. I've always been a writer for as long as I can remember. It started off with a small locked journal in the fourth grade, writing journals in my literature class, then into a personal journal/scrapbook. I wrote poetry for the most part, took a crack at short stories, tried a novel but that didn't quite work out. I was always intimidated about how people would like my work and with that fear in the back of my mind, I never shared my work with anyone...until now.

Our first meeting was the most anxiety filled for me and we started youngest to oldest. Guess who was first? You guessed it...ME!! I was so nervous that I got that feeling like I was back in high school reading a paper in front of the class. My hands were clammy, my heart was beating in my throat, and I just wanted to run away and hide. But, I knew I was with people who weren't going to judge me or make fun of me so...I pulled up my "big girl panties" and read my paper out loud. It might seem to be a small fear to some but to me it was a big one. Public speaking has always been a weakness to me but I had taken the first step in conquering it.

It's been a few weeks since we started our group. The confidence in my writing has improved greatly in my opinion. I'm not afraid anymore. I have the support of these four wonderful women in my life who have helped me realize that:
        
                          I AM A WRITER.
               
                I MUST THINK IT. BELIEVE IT. BE IT.

So here's a big shout out to my iWag Wednesday ladies...I love you all and can't thank you enough for the love and support you give me.

                       Betsy-Kristine-Lisa-Sarah

Mean Mommy Mondays

Monday is not my favorite day of the week. It brings on my 6:15am alarm for the next five days and my husband going back to work on second shift. When we are together it's an equal share of parental duties with the kids. I'm not always the "bad guy" and that's nice for a change. Once Monday comes it's a different story and the "Mean Mommy" comes out. My patience level is non-existent, there is sometimes lots of screaming and crying, (not just from the kids) and it usually means an early bedtime....for us all.

I do beat myself up about it. Realizing that whatever is bothering me is not the kids fault. I'm not perfect and the kids aren't perfect, and they don't deserve what they get....sometimes. I do find that on occasion, I end up coming to my children with my tears and my begging them to forgive me for the way I acted. I try and explain to them that it's not their fault, and Mommy should've have taken out my anger and frustrations on them. This follows by their tears and little hugs and kisses telling me they forgive me and then all is made right in our home. I feel better, they feel better and I have admitted my wrong doing and asked for forgiveness.

You would think that after going through this song and dance for the past couple years that I would recognize it and change it. But, no...I haven't. I'm not saying it happens every single Monday but the usual chaos seems to gravitate around a Monday. But, anyone who knows me, knows my children are my world and they know how much I love them and would do anything for them.  I know I'm not the only Mommy who has gone through this, I can't be. As far as Monday's go.....Blech!! I despise Mondays!

The Day We First Met

There's the life you live and the life you leave behind. But what you share with someone else, especially someone you love- that;s not just how you bury your past. it's how you write your future.
                                                                                                    -Mitchell Siegel-

I really didn't know what to write. I had no idea where to start, so I decided to write about something, or rather someone who means everything to me. That person would be my best friend, my soul mate, my husband.

I remember the day I met him. It was the end of October; cool, breezy, colored leaves everywhere. I was visiting my brother on the naval base where he was stationed and I had stepped outside to have a smoke. Standing out front with arms crossed and the most hateful look on his face was Ron...and I was attracted to him. He had a large dragon tattoo on his upper right bicep, blond hair, and blue eyes. Just looking at him I knew he was strong but caring and kind. I hesitated, but only for a second and then I spoke to him.

Many people say there is no such thing as love at first sight, and for some it doesn't happen that way but it happened to me. Many people said we wouldn't make it. Most fear the unknown but we took a chance and leapt for love, and after two months of dating, we married.
October is coming and as the leaves change and fall, I can't help but go back through those happy memories of when we first met. Its been ten yeas now and we have two beautiful children and I still get butterflies when I look at him.